I got an email from him on Thursday. I had not heard from him since I sent him an email two years ago and asked him not to contact me at least until he could perhaps see my name on Facebook in blue again, which probably would take years and moreover might go unnoticed because we had never been friends on my new profile. According to my privacy settings he is still blocked so you can imagine the overpowering daze I experienced when I got a notification on my phone about an email from XXXX XXXX, a name that I have preferred not to mouth in the past years.
I feared. And as I read his words the nightmare became solid.
We no longer communicate as I do not wish to. I didn’t even take note of what you were doing until some mutual friends informed me. I did not react to your outrageous publication of your blog about us and Osijek in the Osijek media. But I will react to your alleged arrival to Bruxelles, just so that we are on the same page.
This is not the first time this has happened. Soon after he left me second time with an email, I sent him a letter telling him straightforwardly about all the shit I had to take from him after he had broken up with me the first time. We did not talk after that. I moved to Geneva, met nice people and a boy who liked me and whom I liked. While content with the life I had I wrote about my feelings about him because that is how I process life and he contacted me after us not speaking to each other for two months. He assured me that it did not mean us getting back together, but I was not sane. I was still in love. He had read the story that made him write to me. We started talking, exchanging emails every day and sharing the most irrelevant events of our lives. I became sad, withdrew from my social life, which my friends noticed. I dreamed of us getting together again, but my mind knew it was not going to happen. My heart wanted to fight, she lusted his words like nothing else in the world and the daily dose was assured as long as I continued to write back to him. I was an addict. Continue reading